Six things no one tells you about becoming a leader

Six surprises

1. People treat you differently

When becoming leader of a group of which you were a peer member, it’s natural to assume you can maintain the same relationships you had before and people will treat you the same, but they do not. You will be excluded more than you think – and it feels lonelier than you might expect.

2. You’re in the spotlight much more

As you are now making decisions over them, people will try to interpret everything you do, which makes you much more self-conscious about your appearance and behavior. This can be quite anxiety-inducing, for you and your team.

3. You have less control over your agenda

Now that you’re boss, you might think you had greater control of your agenda, but the opposite is true. PR issue blowing up? Time to abandon your holiday and catch the next flight home.

4. You don’t get as much feedback

People talk more about you, but much less to you, so you don’t get feedback in the same way, which can really play with your mind as it becomes its own echo-chamber.

5. Everyone has an opinion on what you should do…

… but once you’ve made the decision, you have to own it. And, unless it goes well, people will distance themselves from that decision, and you, regardless of what they said before.

6. You have to share success – but not failure

You have to recognize your team when things go well, but take the hit when they don’t. That’s just good leadership, but it can still be tough to share the successes yet swallow the failures.

Ways to deal with the new dynamic

1. Have realistic expectations

The first step to dealing with becoming a leader is to accept that these things are going to happen and that you need to prepare for them. They may still take a toll, but at least they won’t catch you unawares.

2. Get a good support network

Ensure you have people at your level to whom you can talk, inside or outside the company, because they will understand your situation. You need someone you can rely on not simply for emotional support, but also for feedback – but don’ t rely on people in your team or below you to fill the gap.

3. Let people in (a little)

Share small insights into how you are looking or feeling with people. This is about trying to forestall their conjectures about you, so they don’t invent their own explanations for your appearance or behavior.

4. Carve out “me” time

Work is life and life is work now, so finding a balance is hard. Block out non-negotiable “me” time, even if it’s just 15 minutes in the morning. Use the time to breathe and reflect on the day ahead.

5. Let people know they are heard

Before a decision is made, allow everyone to have their say and let them know their voices are heard. Then, once the decision is made, try to shut their voices out, or you’ll go crazy with endless revisiting. Instead, look at the decision purely from your perspective. What went well? What not so well? What could we have done differently? Then move on.