New to leadership? Don’t become a people pleaser 

Checklist

• Do you take on tasks that could be done by others whom you now lead?
• Do you take the blame for things or apologize for mistakes, even though you weren’t directly responsible?
• Do you check your decisions with team members unnecessarily?
• Do you tend to agree with what team members say for fear of upsetting them, even though you don’t agree with them?
• Do you find it hard to correct your team members when their work falls short of what’s required?

How to break the habit

• Be clear

To quote Brené Brown, “Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind.” Be clear on everyone’s goals, priorities, and expectations (both delivery and performance).

• Let everyone know what good looks like

Give honest, constructive feedback with compassion and empathy – it will earn you respect, even if it stings in the moment.

• Focus on being trusted rather than liked

If your team trusts you, they will respect you – and possibly even like you (see The 3 Elements of Trust). Being liked is a nice-to-have for a leader: being trusted is an absolute requirement.

• Learn to say no

People pleasers tend to find it hard to say no. One way to break the habit is by practicing, beginning with “small no’s” – the more you practice, the easier it gets.

• Be consistent

Be consistent, fair, and transparent. This will make you more predictable as someone who creates a safe environment to share mistakes and take risks.

• Be a good partner to the business

A fundamental aspect of good leadership is about communicating why – or why not – you’re doing something. Your team and your stakeholders will respect you rejecting their preferences if you articulate how your choice helps the overall good of the firm, and help them find alternatives when you need to say no.

• Pause before agreeing to take on more work

Make sure the new task aligns with the priorities you have already outlined. If you say yes too quickly, you risk diluting your effectiveness and your team’s impact.

• Find your voice at the table

You landed this role for your skills and knowledge. Your leadership team wants to know your perspective, so resist the urge to ingratiate yourself, speak up on important issues, share your perspective, and be bold (with respect!).