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Brain Circuits
How to be remembered for the right reasons #5: Create shared connection
This is the final and most fundamental maxim of our series on effective communication. You can have a focused message, understand your audience’s world, define a clear outcome, and simplify your points with beautiful clarity. But if the audience does not like, trust, or respect the messenger, none of it matters. Without connection – the conduit through which all influence flows – you’re just talking into the void.
Are you someone they want to listen to?
“When beginning a presentation, my priority is to…”
- Establish my credibility and authority on the topic.
- Get straight into the core content to save time.
- Build a sense of rapport and shared understanding.
“To show I’m qualified, I…”
- Assume my position or title speaks for itself.
- List my relevant credentials and experience upfront.
- Weave my experiences into stories and examples.
“I generally assume my audience is…”
- Engaged, interested, and ready to listen.
- A mix of enthusiasts and skeptics.
- Busy, potentially distracted, and needing to be won over.
Never assume your audience is excited to hear from you.
A framework for earning the right to be heard
Weave together credibility and commonality
Connection stands on two pillars: the audience must see you as both competent and relatable. These can seem at odds, but they should be woven together. First, establish credibility with a direct, overt statement that links your status to their reality.
- Try this:
For instance, say, “When I was a Program Director operating a 150-person business, we faced the same challenge you’re facing now…”
This single sentence proves you have the right to speak on the topic. From there, build commonality by interlacing other experiences through anecdotes and examples. This avoids sounding arrogant and instead builds a sense of shared understanding, making you not just an expert but a trusted peer.
Meet them exactly where they are
Never assume your audience is excited to hear from you. They may be tired, distracted, or only there for the free lunch. The fastest way to build trust is to acknowledge their reality without judgment. Openly validating their state of mind gives them permission to be as they are, which paradoxically makes them more willing to listen.
- Try this:
Start with an inclusive acknowledgement: “Maybe you’re here because you’re interested to learn more. Perhaps you’re leading a project and want to see how today’s topic can help you. Maybe you’re just here because it gets you out of other meetings! Wherever you’re at, I’m glad you’re here.”
Build rapport by sharing, not telling
Building a personal relationship with an audience feels risky, but it doesn’t have to be. The safest and most effective method is to share anecdotes about universal experiences. The key is to frame it as an invitation, not a declaration.
- Try this:
Instead of telling your audience, “I know your projects are frustrating”, say, “I remember one project where nothing went right, and it was incredibly frustrating. Maybe you can relate?” This allows the audience to see their own experience reflected in yours without being told what to think or feel. You’re not insisting you and the audience are the same: you’re creating a space where, for a moment, you share a human truth. This is the essence of genuine connection.
Key takeaway
Connection is the final, essential step in ensuring you are remembered for the right reasons: it’s what ensures your focused message, tailored to their world, leading to a clear outcome and delivered with profound simplicity, is actually received.
Further reading
How to be remembered for the right reasons #1: Focus on your message
How to be remembered for the right reasons #2: Get into their world
How to be remembered for the right reasons #3: Deliver on an outcome
How to be remembered for the right reasons #4: Keep it simple
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