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Brain Circuits
Are you embracing or avoiding conflict?
All leaders like to keep things running smoothly, but are you conflict-avoidant? This short test will tell you whether it’s time to turn tension into opportunity.
The test
Answer the following questions honestly to measure your tendency to be conflict-avoidant. To what extent do you exhibit the following behaviors in interactions with colleagues?
- Feel unspoken frustrations
- Avoid difficult conversations
- Disagree silently with other peoples’ opinions and proposals
- Fear speaking up
- Worry about negative feedback
- Suppress anger
- Worry about not being liked
- Feel drained and disconnected
Turning tension into opportunity: the cycle of renewal
If you answered strongly in the affirmative to most of these questions, it sounds like you need to learn to face tension without fear of collapse. A useful way to do this is to think of the cycle of renewal in nature, where change is part of growth and regeneration. Similarly, conflict can be seen as a stepping stone to a bigger picture akin to the four seasons: peace, conflict, separation, and repair.
Peace: The state of mutual respect, care, and shared purpose.
Conflict: The surfacing of tension and friction; the signal that something needs to shift.
Separation: A time out, cooling-off phase – temporary distance to regain perspective.
Repair: The act of reconnection, willingness to understand, and curiosity to learn.
How to reframe conflict
- Examine your internal conflicts; such as between values of honesty and courage, and fears of losing your job, connections, and not being liked.
- Be honest with yourself – acknowledge the parts that want safety and those that want truth, giving both a voice.
- Accept that getting to repair requires a meaningful break through time out.
- Approach “conflict” situations not from defensiveness or avoidance, but with curiosity and a steadier sense of self.
- Lean into conflict – inner and outer – and orient towards repair to master the four-season cycle of renewal.
Key learning
Seeing conflict not as an ending but as an opportunity will open the door to stronger workplace relationships built on mutual respect, honesty, openness, and trust.
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