SixĀ thingsĀ noĀ oneĀ tells you about becoming a leader
Becoming a leader for the first time can be isolating. Hereās what the management playbooks donāt tell you, and some advice on dealing with the new dynamic....
Brain Circuits
Control yourself! 4 practical steps to master your emotionsāÆand become a better leaderĀ
We are all at the mercy of ingrained behaviors. Answer the question below to identify how you respond emotionally, then check out the practical steps to help overcome your emotions.
Are you an internalizer or externalizer?
āEmotional typesā typically respond to stressors in different ways:
- Internalizers tend to suppress their feelings and focus on particular things, avoiding distractions.
- Externalizers express their emotions more intensely and openly, switching their attention easily from one thing to another.
Four techniques to optimize behavior self-regulation
1. Modify the stressor
Begin by identifying the situations or stressors that trigger your emotional response and figure out why.
Externalizer: What causes you stress? Is it the fear that you might be unable to answer difficult questions and appear incompetent in a presentation? Are you worried about potential conflict with colleagues?
Modification: Invite someone closer to the project in hand, perhaps with more technical knowledge, to co-present. To diffuse potential conflict with colleagues, meet over lunch rather than the office.
Internalizer: Are you stressed about a meeting or debrief because of the potential for misunderstanding?
Modification: Bring a trusted colleague into the mix; someone who finds it easier to say, āI feel excited / worried about thisā, giving you the cue to express how you feel. Re-routing a meeting from the office to the canteen might also help you be more open.
2. Suppress the response
Think about how you typically respond in a difficult situation, then do something that elicits an entirely different response.
- Externalizer: Find ways to dial down your emotional response before it happens.
Tip: Meditation, breathing exercises, and calming music help you exercise greater control and dial down your emotions.
- Internalizer: Rather than shutting down, dial up your emotional response.
Tip: Hit the gym or listen to rousing music before the meeting.
3. Interrupt the response
In a stressful situation, find a way to stop your behavior in its tracks and reset how you feel.
Tips
- Distract yourself: look at a different area of the room and focus on a friendly face, or press your fingertips into the palms of your hands for five seconds.
- Suggest a quick three-minute recess and get a glass of water.
- Conjure an amusing thought or image (but donāt lose your train of thinking).
4. Control your emotions
Still struggling to control your habitual emotional response? Give yourself breathing space to impose a more rational one.
Tips
- Create a response routine. If youāre being asked complex questions, instead of defaulting to anxiety or irritation, ask the other person, āWhat do you think?ā or āWhat do we need to do next?ā This will give you space you to rein in your feelings.
- Counterbalance: whatever your instinctive response is, do something that counteracts it.
Key learning
Regulating yourself in the moment is not about changing yourself. Itās about exerting a degree of control over your learned emotions to bring the right impact to the situations you will meet as a decision-maker and leader.
Ā
Further reading and watching
Master childhood emotionsāÆto become a better leader
Re-writing your leadership code ā How your childhood made you the leader you are, and what you can do about it (book and e-book)
Managing multiple role identities in the family enterprise ecosystem
Regulating Emotions At Work: The Underlying Strength Of Effective Leaders
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