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Brain Circuits
How an empty chair can give your ‘secret shadow’ a voice
Do you recognize negative traits in yourself that may be holding you back personally and professionally? Carl Jung called this your ‘shadow’. Ginka Toegel explains how to tap into its latent energy and turn it to your advantage
We all have a metaphorical “basement” where we stash parts of ourselves that we, or the society we grew up in, deem unacceptable. These may include impulses to be selfish, angry, jealous, or vulnerable – the so-called Jungian ‘shadow’. As children, we hide these feelings to stay loved and safe. Those same impulses often remain active into adulthood, often without our awareness, so more material gets stored in the basement. However, what’s suppressed doesn’t vanish – it can surface as passive-aggressive comments, sudden outbursts, or irrational dislikes.
How to deal with your shadow
- Notice your triggers. You’re often most irritated by traits in others that mirror your own (even though they are unacknowledged or denied).
- Keep the conversation with your ‘basement’ going. Pay attention to emotional spikes, such as envy, rage, or hero worship. Ask yourself, “What part of me is this?”
- Acknowledge and integrate. Admit, “Yes, I can be controlling,” without acting it out destructively. The goal is not to erase the shadow but to weave its energy into your life – using assertiveness instead of aggression, imagination instead of daydreaming escapism, and so on.
The empty chair technique
It can feel scary to face those hidden emotions head-on, but the empty chair exercise makes it easier. All it takes is two chairs: one for your everyday self and one for your hidden shadow. Give your shadow a voice and you’ll discover unimagined insights. Here’s how to get the conversation started:
- Set the stage. Find a private spot where you feel safe and comfortable. Place two chairs facing each other. Sit in one and leave the other empty. Take a few deep breaths and center yourself.
- Decide who or what occupies the empty chair. This could be a person (your boss or a family member) or part of yourself (your inner critic, ambitions, etc.). Pick whatever feels most relevant or emotionally charged right now.
- Begin the conversation. Speak directly to the person or the inner part of you in the empty chair as if they really exist. Share your thoughts, feelings, questions, and boundaries – anything you’ve been holding back or need to express.
- Switch perspectives. Move to the empty chair and speak from that perspective. Imagine yourself as the person or concept you were addressing. Embrace that role fully, then switch back and forth, letting the dialogue unfold. Speak out loud from this new perspective. Don’t worry if it feels awkward, just try to adopt their point of view as fully as you can. Be open to discovering new insights and emotional shifts.
- Reflect and integrate. When you finish, reflect on what came up. Notice any changes in how you feel or think and carry those insights into your daily life. This exercise can stir up strong emotions. If it becomes overwhelming, talk with a trusted friend, mentor, or mental health professional for support.
The failure to recognize and deal with our shadow is often at the root of our problems with others and within groups and organizations. The empty chair technique can help you harness this energy and build deeper self-understanding as well as stronger connections with others.
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Further reading:
Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
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Join us for daily exercises focusing on issues from team building to developing an actionable sustainability plan to personal development. Go on - they only take five minutes.
Explore Leadership
What makes a great leader? Do you need charisma? How do you inspire your team? Our experts offer actionable insights through first-person narratives, behind-the-scenes interviews and The Help Desk.
Join Membership
Log in here to join in the conversation with the I by IMD community. Your subscription grants you access to the quarterly magazine plus daily articles, videos, podcasts and learning exercises.