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Brain Circuits
Are you listening to win, to fix, or to learn?
No matter the shape and form of dialogue, the way we listen is one of the simplest acts of connection, yet one of the hardest to master. Dorotea Brandin shows how to perfect a key part of manifesting leadership presence
Three ways of listening
In Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps, Dr Jennifer Garvey Berger describes three ways we tend to listen in conversation: listening to win, listening to fix, and listening to learn.
When we listen to win our attention is split. While the other person speaks, our mind is busy preparing the next argument, the perfect comeback, or the way to make our point land. We might nod politely, but we’re not really there. The space between you tightens and curiosity disappears. The goal is not to understand, but to prevail. Listening to win is about focusing on achieving your personal objectives – often at the expense of understanding other’s perspectives fully. This approach can lead to conflict and hinder collaboration within teams.
When we listen to fix our focus is less self-centered, but our mind is just as busy. We hear a problem and rush to offer advice, solutions, or reassurance. In doing so, we unintentionally make it harder for the other person to find their own solution. We step into the conversation to repair, not to receive. The result is often disconnection masked as helpfulness.
Then there is listening to learn – a radically different posture. Here, the listener’s mind quiets. Instead of preparing to respond, we hold back and lean in to understand where the other person’s point of view comes from. We listen not only to words but to tone, silence, emotion, and what is unsaid. We ask questions that open, not close. We create a space where meaning can emerge, where the other person feels truly seen and heard, and where solutions can be found together.
How to practice listening to learn
Use LEARN as a quick mental reset in conversation:
L — Let them finish
Notice the urge to jump in or win. Pause and give space for their thinking to unfold.
E — Empower their thinking
Resist the temptation to fix. Ask questions that help them explore, rather than offer solutions.
A — Assume nothing
When you think “I get it”, stay curious. Go one layer deeper.
R — Read the non-verbal
Take in tone, emotion, pauses, and body language before moving on.
N — Notice your impact
Before closing, check if they felt heard; not just whether you were helpful.
Key takeaway
Listening to learn fosters empathy, trust, and a deeper understanding of diverse perspectives and complexity; ultimately enhancing teamwork and problem-solving capabilities in organizations.
Authors
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