As a leader, you face complex and intricate challenges every day. At times it can be hard to pinpoint or even articulate these challenges. But until you can fully address and resolve them, they have the potential to stall your professional and personal growth, your career, and your team’s success. This is where professional coaching comes in.Sam heads up a team of regional sales managers within a large tech multinational. Disciplined, structured, and passionate about her role and organization, she commands great loyalty and respect from her team and immediate colleagues, many of whom will seek recourse from her if they have an issue or problem to resolve. Sam is well known for having the courage to stand up for others and for what she believes, and for challenging decisions within the organization that impact her direct reports. She is, in the words of a colleague, always “ready to defend us.”
A recent change in reporting structure means that Sam has a new line manager, Eva, who is a seasoned strategist and a highly diplomatic leader; a contrast to Sam’s straightforward approach. The two work well at first, their contrasting styles complementing each other productively. But a new initiative within the organization is announced by senior management that is poised to have a significant impact on both the revenue and new business opportunities for Sams’s team. Sam feels angry about this and is very forthright in voicing her opposition to this change. Eva understands Sam’s position but is dismayed by the emotional intensity of her response.
Feeling caught between defending the interest of her team and pushback from her diplomatic boss, Sam struggles to contain her frustration, and her relationship with Eva becomes strained. In need of a solution, she approaches an executive coach.
Sam tends to react with enormous spirit and conviction – and to do so on behalf of other people who come to her with a problem or complaint, or to take up a cause no one else has the courage to pick up.
Sam and the coach start by acknowledging the positives in Sam’s determination and commitment to her team and to her organization, and the courage that it takes to be a voice of dissent – something that has proved valuable both to Sam and to the organization at different times. From here, the coach encourages Sam to explore some of the risks that might come from taking on every cause and fighting every battle that comes her way.
Sam tends to react with enormous spirit and conviction – and to do so on behalf of other people who come to her with a problem or complaint, or to take up a cause no one else has the courage to pick up. Working with the coach, she comes to see that responding passionately to every challenge, and a willingness to fight even losing battles, can come at a cost to her emotional energy, her reputation with other leaders, and even some of her relationships with colleagues.
Working with the coach, Sam sees that these responses are visceral: they come from her belly and are expressed often before she has taken the time to reflect on the situation fully. Sam’s coach suggests a few simple mechanisms to help her manage emotions and “choose her battles” more effectively.
The first is breathing. When faced with a dilemma or asked to intervene on behalf of her team or a colleague, she is to take three deep breaths before speaking or reacting. This will give her a chance to pause, think, and become calm before choosing an appropriate response. The second mechanism is similar. When confronted by a problem or an issue that she finds upsetting in some way, Sam is to ask for some “time out” to go away and digest the information – buying herself time to ask more questions and reflect on the issue before deciding how (or whether at all) to react.
Finally, Sam’s coach introduces a framework that Sam can use to determine whether to respond to issues or not. The framework is a set of questions that she must ask herself. Doing this not only helps her figure out her response but also forces her to marshal more cognitive (and less emotional or visceral) processes to help keep knee-jerk reactions in check. The questions are:
Sam has understood the need to choose her battles – to proceed when justified and necessary, but to learn where to remain steady and avoid making waves.
Sam starts embedding these mechanisms. As a result, she can see that fighting every battle has been draining her energy and has been quite disruptive within the organization. She speaks to Eva and acknowledges this, which has a positive impact on their mutual trust and ability to collaborate.
Sam has understood the need to choose her battles – to proceed when justified and necessary, but to learn where to remain steady and avoid making waves. She has recently been promoted to a new leadership role within her company and is putting her energy and enthusiasm to constructive use.
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