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Brain Circuits
How to be a good mentor
A good mentor is not a problem-solver, heroic advisor, or mini-manager. They help mentees think better, grow faster, and move forward with confidence and clarity. That means your job is not to impress, but to be useful. Here’s a practical guide to getting it right.
Where to begin
Mentorship starts with listening well, asking better questions, and resisting the urge to jump in too quickly with advice. A good mentor helps someone make sense of situations, navigate career advancement, see options they had not considered, build confidence, learn from experience, navigate relationships and systems, and stretch themselves without feeling alone. The first conversation matters more than people think. Use it to build the foundation and do not rush into giving advice. Discuss:
- What would make this mentoring useful for you?
- What are you hoping to figure out, improve, or navigate?
- What kind of support helps you most?
- How direct would you like me to be?
- How often should we meet?
- What should stay confidential?
- How will we know this is working?
Always focus on your mentee’s agenda, not yours. Your stories can be helpful, but only when they serve the mentee. Before sharing an example, ask yourself:
- Is this relevant?
- Is it helping them think?
- Am I offering this for them, or because I enjoy telling it?
Good mentors ask questions that open up thinking, such as:
- What feels most important here?
- What do you think is really going on?
- What options do you see?
- What is making this difficult?
- What assumptions are you making?
- What would success look like?
- What conversations or subjects are you avoiding?
- What is one next step you could take?
Giving advice
When you do give advice, keep it specific, explain the reasoning, frame it as an option, and adapt it to their situation. Try saying, “One option you might consider is…” and keep the conversation collaborative.
Support matters, but so does stretch. Help your mentee face blind spots, weak habits, avoidance patterns, and limiting beliefs. The key is tone. Instead of saying, “You’re approaching this the wrong way”, try asking the following:
- “Can I offer an observation that may be hard to hear, but might help?”
- “I wonder whether part of the pattern here is…”
- “What might you be contributing to this situation without realizing it?”
Sustaining a sense of direction
Without action, mentoring can become pleasant but vague. A helpful mentoring conversation should lead somewhere: a strong ending helps the mentee consolidate learning and appreciate progress. Before closing a meeting, ask:
- What are you taking away from this?
- What will you do next?
- What support do you need before we speak again?
Key takeaways
Mentoring does not require huge amounts of time, but it does require consistency: show up, be on time, remember previous conversations, follow through on what you said you would send, and do not cancel repeatedly. And remember: challenge works best when trust is already present.
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Further reading:
Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
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Explore Leadership
What makes a great leader? Do you need charisma? How do you inspire your team? Our experts offer actionable insights through first-person narratives, behind-the-scenes interviews and The Help Desk.
Join Membership
Log in here to join in the conversation with the I by IMD community. Your subscription grants you access to the quarterly magazine plus daily articles, videos, podcasts and learning exercises.