How a female CEO challenged self-limiting beliefs 

The challenge

Karen has recently been promoted to regional CEO at a large multinational company in recognition of her considerable talents and achievements over the last decade. A “challenger voice,” Karen has consistently proven her ability to question essential decisions and bring a critical perspective to debates while leading her teams with competence and compassion. She is known with great affection by her boss, colleagues, and direct reports for her capacity to “check in and challenge.”

However, a few weeks into her new position, Karen is assailed by self-doubt. Her modus operandi until now has been to challenge the hierarchy. As CEO, she now sits at the pinnacle of that hierarchy, which has left her questioning how to proceed. In meetings with the company’s executive committee, Karen finds it increasingly hard to find and express her customary challenger voice.

Instead of bringing her formidable critical faculties to each discussion, Karen has become increasingly passive and obedient in team meetings, unsure of herself and hesitant to be the voice of dissent. What’s more, Karen’s boss has noticed this behavior change. Hired to provide positive obstacles and shake up group thinking, Karen minimizes her contribution to a simple agreement – behaviors that her boss has now begun to flag.

Concerned about this crisis in confidence, Karen seeks the support of an executive coach.

The coaching journey

Karen works with her coach to articulate and identify the provenance of what the coach terms “self-limiting beliefs.” Together, they pinpoint several ideas hampering her ability to stand up and express herself. Among these are a sense of being “the only woman in the room,” that she has no allies, and that she is an “outsider” – and as such, she should not draw attention to herself. For the first time, Karen can see that her beliefs about herself impact her behavior. Accustomed to having strong visibility in her role and views, Karen feels that she is suddenly too visible: she is shining too brightly simply because she is “different” and must become duller.

Karen’s coach helps her unearth how these feelings tie to her background and childhood. Karen, one of several siblings, is the only girl in her family. Growing up, she had to jostle hard for position and stand up for herself in a crowded family dynamic. At the same time, Karen’s relationship with her mother has historically reinforced certain norms around gender. Karen’s father was the breadwinner, while her mother stayed home. There is a quality of loneliness – of being the “only one” – and a semi-paradoxical dynamic within Karen’s childhood experience that is now playing out in the context of work. In committee meetings, Karen feels defensive when she should be on the attack. She wants to give all or nothing, go but stop, and shine, but not too much.