The parental leave policies in the military are now superior to what is on offer in much of the private sector. The United States is one of only six countries worldwide without any form of national paid medical leave, and the number of employers offering paid parental leave has dropped in recent years, according to a survey. In contrast, the Pentagon expanded military parental leave to 12 weeks in 2023 (in addition to authorized medical convalescent leave for service members who give birth) and made both primary and secondary caregivers eligible. Providing paternity leave not only gives fathers the opportunity to bond with their children, but also helps women by normalizing shared caregiving and reduces the work stigma that comes with having family commitments.
From my perspective, when I finished my four-year duty assignment in Germany, I felt, as a mom of three young kids, that I should step back from my career and take a part-time position as a physician so my husband’s career could take off. Fortunately, he disagreed. He told me my earnings potential was higher than his and pointed out that I enjoyed my work more and his job as an engineer inherently offered more flexibility. So, we moved to Colorado, and I transferred services from the Army to the Public Health Service, where I ran the traumatic brain injury center and later established a newly formed department of rehabilitation services on a large Army post. My husband continued to work remotely as a trailing spouse.
In my case, I had no external pressure to step back from my career, but I had somehow internalized the societal expectations around motherhood and caregiving that had made me think this was what I should do. This brings me to the following three valuable lessons for women leaders.:
Don’t stand in your own way
I consider myself a very confident person who is always prepared to speak up and call out inequality when I see it. But there have been times during my career when I have acted in ways that have held me back. When I was running the brain injury unit at Fort Carson, I had to present to our hospital commander, essentially the CEO of our hospital, about a program we were developing. When we walked into the meeting, I chose not to sit at the command table even though I was the subject matter expert, and it was clearly the right place for me to be. I had put myself in the corner, which makes absolutely no sense. I doubted myself. On other occasions, I turned down promotions or opportunities because I thought I didn’t have the skills or experience.
Once I recognized that I was my worst enemy, I applied to the inaugural Women Leading in Neurology program organized by the American Academy of Neurology, where I learned to unpack certain behaviors. It taught me how to recognize my accomplishments and feel comfortable acknowledging and promoting them. The program also gave me the skills to help promote women’s leadership in general.