Don’t mention it! Tackling your team’s taboos, Part 2   

Saying but not meaning  

Alongside unspoken truths, there are spoken untruths. These undiscussables reflect discrepancies between what the team says it believes or finds important and how it behaves.  

Problem diagnosis: what’s said versus what’s done

Teams often proclaim but fail to follow certain values, objectives, and practices that are supposed to guide and inspire them and create a sense of togetherness. The disconnect between what’s said and what’s done is visible to all, but no one points it out for fear of damaging team cohesion – even if that cohesion is based on a shared illusion. Go through this checklist to see whether this syndrome characterizes your team: 

• Do team members espouse certain values in their speech but fail to practice them? 
• Are team meetings too undemanding or unrealistically upbeat?  
• Do people cling to an image of team cohesiveness? 
• Do they look upon any criticism of the team as a sign of disloyalty?  
• Do they always seem to adopt similar perspectives on problems?

Why it happens 

The chief concern in such teams is protecting the group, as opposed to protecting the individual, in the “think-but-dare-not-say” category of undiscussables.  

Silence is not based on fear as much as on an unquestioned and distorted sense of loyalty to the team, its leader, or the organization. Drawing attention to the disconnect between intentions and actions would feel like letting down colleagues and killing team spirit.

This false positivity, which people express by simply mouthing accepted values, practices, and objectives, hides any concerns that the team might be incapable of making the necessary changes to the organization and that people might lose their jobs as a result. This protective impulse may appear innocent, but in the long run, it undermines learning and leads to disillusionment as people stop trusting one another’s words and commitments.  

Beginning the fix: close the gap between meaning and saying 

• As team leader, first expose the insincerity of saying but not meaning, and acknowledge your part in the charade.  
• Collect anonymous examples of empty proclamations.  
• Ask team members to complete this sentence: “We say we want to, but, in fact, we…” 
• Challenge the overprotective mindset that inhibits the airing of criticism. 
• Ensure that the organization’s stated goal is the real goal.