The “partner” paradox: why inclusive language isn’t enough for LGBTQ+ support  

Are you self-censoring?

Reflecting on supporting LGBTQ+ colleagues, consider the following:

1. How often do you use gender-neutral language to refer to your same-sex partner (such as “my partner”, rather than “my boyfriend” or “my wife”).

a. Always

b. Sometimes

c. Never

2. How consistently do you actively affirm the personal language used by your team members when referring to their relationships? 

a. Always

b. Sometimes

c. Never

3. When you hear a heteronormative assumption, what is your typical response? 

a. I model a clarifying response gently but publicly

b. I correct the person later in private

c. I usually don’t say anything

4. To what extent do your organisation’s benefits support the diverse needs of LGBTQ+ employees?

a. They are fully supportive

b. They’re quite supportive (I think)

c. Um… do LGBTQ+ employees have diverse needs?

Practical steps to cultivate an environment of authentic inclusion

Actively affirm personal language

When a colleague refers to their same-ex partner as their “husband” or “wife”, follow their lead. Respond naturally, just as you would to any personal information. This simple act of acknowledging their language validates their identity and signals that your workplace respects individual realities.

• If you hear someone use gender-specific terms for their partner, mirror that language in your subsequent interactions.

Model curiosity over correction

If a colleague makes a heteronormative assumption (e.g., asking a female colleague, “What does your husband do?”), don’t make it a moment of public correction. Instead, model a graceful response by saying something like, “Actually, my partner is a woman.” This allows for natural clarification without creating awkwardness.

• Encourage a culture where genuine curiosity and learning are prioritized over assumptions.

Facilitate open and honest conversations 

Create opportunities for open dialogue within your teams. This doesn’t mean forcing personal disclosures, but rather fostering an environment where people feel comfortable sharing aspects of their lives – if they choose to. Set the tone in team meetings by sharing appropriately about your own life and demonstrating genuine interest when others do the same.

• Frame discussions around shared values of respect and understanding, rather than focusing solely on “diversity training”.

Ensure inclusive benefits reflect real lives

Go beyond symbolic gestures and ensure your company’s benefits genuinely support diverse family structures. This includes equal-partner benefits, inclusive parental leave policies that recognise different family formations, and healthcare coverage that meets the needs of LGBTQ+ individuals.

• Tangible benefits speak volumes about a company’s commitment to its diverse workforce.