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Leadership
Why is trust the key to successful negotiation?
Anna Cajot talks with former BBC Newsnight producer Sam McAlister about trust, power, and the five guiding principles behind successful negotiation.
Rapid read:
- Sometimes, the most powerful move in any negotiation is the willingness to walk away.
- The strongest negotiators are not those who exert the most power, but those who build the most trust.
- Confidence is communicated through simple body language long before the first point is made.
Sam McAlister is the former BBC Newsnight producer who helped secure Emily Maitlisâs explosive 2019 interview with Prince Andrew. Known for her tenacity and inventiveness, she is recognized internationally for her expertise in persuasion, trust, and the architecture of high-stakes negotiation.
I sat down with McAlister to discuss her career, including the negotiations that led to the landmark interview that precipitated the former royalâs dramatic fall from grace.
To my surprise, our conversation focused not on leverage, persuasion, or winning at all costs, but on a philosophy grounded in trust, integrity, preparation, and the confidence to walk away when a deal no longer aligns with your values.
But organizational theory tells us that when variance is high, and change is faster than planning cycles, adaptation beats optimization every time.
First impressions count â but so do values
McAlister has helped secure some of the most significant interviews of the past two decades. She has gained access to figures with every institutional, legal, and reputational reason to stay silent.
Her journey from working on her familyâs market stall to becoming a criminal defense barrister and Emmy-nominated television producer has helped shape her resilience.
But according to McAlister, itâs her long-held values of honesty and integrity that have underpinned her success.
âIt comes down to trust,â she says. âTrust is your superpower. My family were market traders, and on the markets, you have 10 seconds to make a connection. If you donât make it with charm and personality, itâs over.â
McAlister drew on those early lessons in her subsequent career as a criminal defense barrister. âAs a 23-year-old woman, placed in a cell with people accused of mass murder or harming children, you have a maximum of 90 seconds to establish a connection. That connection is what allows the other person to feel their autonomy is respected.â
She believes that being prepared to walk away with your integrity intact is a measure of success in itself.
âWalking away is not a failure; it shows your standards,â she says. âThe Prince Andrew interview is one of the few exceptions that prove the rule. We turned down that interview twice, walked away twice, and still ended up with that extraordinary prize. If I had not walked away twice, it would not have been the prize it was. Resilience, honesty, integrity, persistence, and walking away when you cannot say yes are the keys to success.â
Objectively, 99 times out of 100, the person Iâm dealing with is more superficially impressive â wealthier, taller, extremely famous, or controversial. The only way I could deal with that was to separate objective power from my subjective self.- Sam McAlister
The secrets of successful negotiation
McAlister believes there are five guiding principles that can help negotiators protect their integrity, values, and careers.
1- Recognize your subjective power
Among her most powerful concepts is the distinction between objective and subjective power. Power dynamics exist in any setting, be it a market stall, a holding cell, or a boardroom, but McAlister argues that these are not fixed.
She separates objective power â status, money, and fame â from subjective power â confidence, preparation, and integrity. By making this distinction, negotiators can prevent displays of objective power from undermining their confidence or sense of equal worth.
âObjectively, 99 times out of 100, the person Iâm dealing with is more superficially impressive â wealthier, taller, extremely famous, or controversial. The only way I could deal with that was to separate objective power from my subjective self.”
âOn a human level, they are no better than me. I would walk in with my subjective confidence while carrying out the research to handle the objective power imbalance.”
âThat combination of directness and confidence â not making myself small, but making myself tall, while fully acknowledging their objective power â made my skills compatible with dealing with powerful people.â
2 – Give the impression of total confidence
McAlister believes confidence is communicated through simple body language long before the first point is made.
âA power imbalance is best mitigated by a very firm handshake, complete eye contact, a smile, and the impression of total confidence. Those simple things are, I believe, the greatest equalizer when the power dynamic is not in your favor.â
These signals establish credibility and reduce the psychological impact of unequal power dynamics. But they must be authentic.
When leaders stop viewing rejection as a judgment of their worth, they become more effective negotiators. They can listen objectively, adapt where appropriate, and maintain momentum without becoming defensive.
3 – Be authentically yourself
McAlister believes many people, particularly women, try to mirror their counterparts by wearing clothes or behaving in ways that are more masculine or dominant. âA lack of authenticity means you are already in trouble,â she says.
Rather than becoming more aggressive or mirroring her counterpart, she advocates a balanced approach: confident, direct, and unmistakably yourself.
4 – Keep it brief
âThe more you say, the more questions you expose yourself to,â says McAlister. âYour greatest superpower, alongside trust, is brevity. I lead with one reason, then add information only if requested.â
The lesson is to keep things simple, project confidence, and be yourselfâalthough, as McAlister jokes, no one needs to hear your bad jokes. Lead with who you are, not who you think people expect you to be.
5 – No one owes you anything
As human beings, we are often taught to believe that our efforts entitle us to a particular outcome. McAlister describes this as a âbeautiful narcissism.â As a lecturer, she teaches students that no one owes them anything. The same lesson applies to negotiation.
âPeople are entitled to make a business or personal decision where what I bring them does not work for them,â she explains.
âItâs not personal. A lack of entitlement is the reason rejection does not trouble me. It is not about me. Once I had that feeling, I was truly Teflon when dealing with relentless rejection. That is what allowed me to get to Buckingham Palace.â
When leaders stop viewing rejection as a judgment of their worth, they become more effective negotiators. They can listen objectively, adapt where appropriate, and maintain momentum without becoming defensive.
For McAlister, the absence of entitlement is one of the foundations of her long-term success.
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Itâs not about power; itâs about people
The strongest negotiators are not those who exert the most power, but those who build the most trust.
Sometimes, the most powerful move in any negotiation is the willingness to walk away.
McAlister does not attribute her success to status, aggression, or tactics. Instead, she grounds her approach in long-held values of trust, integrity, honesty, and resilience.
When heading into a negotiation, she prepares thoroughly, takes the time to understand the other personâs interests and concerns, communicates with brevity, and listens more than she speaks. She also has the confidence to walk away if necessary.
âThe path to the âyesesâ was persistence, resilience, respect when receiving a no, and never, ever over-promising,â she says.
âMy strength was the ability to say no to things that would have compromised my integrity, and to find a yes where people had simply not yet had the opportunity to discuss the pros and cons openly and honestly. I would always provide the pros, but was equally willing to discuss the cons.â
Sam McAlister will be a keynote speaker at the 2026 Negotiation Conference on 22â23 October in Zurich. You can read more about her role in securing the infamous interview with Prince Andrew in her book, Scoops: Behind the Scenes of the BBCâs Most Shocking Interviews.
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