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Brain Circuits
Time for a change? Begin here
Change can be hard. Hereās a few tips on getting going.
Getting a head startĀ
Be honest about your hidden agendasĀ
We all want to be fit and healthy, and to be present in our relationships ā but often our change goals and our behaviors are not aligned; due to what Harvard psychologistsāÆRobert Kegan and Lisa LaheyāÆcall ācompeting commitmentsā. This is when we are unconsciously committed to something more than the thing we consciously want to change. Such āblockersā are often due to deeply held identities. For example, the inability to delegate ā even though you know it makes sense ā might be down to a deep-rooted need to feel important, needed, and in control. Being honest about your competing commitments wonāt automatically resolve them, but can surface the real problem you need to tackle.Ā
Expect to feel uncomfortableĀ Ā
When we try to think or act differently, it can feel awkward or wrong at first ā as if weāre pretending to be someone weāre not. That feeling does not signify the change is wrong for you; rather that your brain is working hard.āÆResearch by Wendy Wood and colleaguesāÆfinds that up to 43% of our daily behaviors are āhabitualā; running on well-worn neural pathways built over years. New behaviors require new pathways, which only form through repetition ā and the discomfort is part of the process.Ā Ā
The people around you shape what feels normal, possible, valued, and worth
doing.
Practical tipsĀ Ā
- Make it tinyĀ
The two-minute rule suggests that any new habit should take under two minutes to begin with ā not run three miles, but lace up your running shoes. Showing up consistently matters more than the size of the action.Ā Ā Ā
- Stack your habitsĀ
Attaching a new behavior to an existing one leverages the cue of a habit you already have. For example, after you make your coffee, you write for 10 minutes.Ā Ā Ā
- Be specificĀ Ā
Research by Gollwitzer and Sheeran found that deciding in advance exactly when and where you will do something (e.g., āI will go to the gym on Monday at 7amā rather than āI will exercise moreā) had a positive effect on following through. Turning a vague intention into a concrete plan can help embed a new habit.Ā Ā Ā
- 4. Rejig your context
Our behaviors are shaped by our surroundings.āÆChristakis and FowlerāsāÆsocial-network studies found that behaviors including smoking cessation and exercise spread through social ties in measurable ways. The people around you shape what feels normal, possible, valued, and worth doing. Spending more time with people who embody the behavior you want to emulate is a useful habit to cultivate.āÆĀ Ā
ChecklistĀ
Ask yourself the following questions to help identify your āblockersā:Ā Ā
- Am I clinging to something moreāÆthan the thing I want to change?Ā Ā
- What am I not willing to give up?Ā Ā
- Do I frequently resolve to change a habit without following through?Ā Ā
- Do I tend to make the same vague promises to myself to stop or start doing something?Ā Ā
- Does the thought of adopting a new behavior make me feel uncomfortable (or even fake)?Ā Ā Ā
Key takeaway
Changing habits and behaviors need not be as difficult as you think. Start small, and follow through ā you may be surprised at the results.
Further reading:Ā
Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel KahnemanĀ
Authors
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