Ask yourself these simple questions to identify people in your outgroup. Think back to what happened in the past week with each direct report. Did you:
Did your interactions extend beyond immediate task issues to discuss big-picture issues or engage in social conversation?
Did you solicit their input in meetings or defer to their ideas?
Did you contribute to their learning and development (e.g., through stretch assignments, coaching, or constructive feedback)?
If the answer to even one of these questions is “no” – particularly if this happens two or three weeks in a row – you must address the deficit.
Review your treatment of individual team members and evaluate where repair is needed, then invest in where you’re falling short in a relationship.
To reconnect with subordinates who may feel upset or neglected by previous interactions, prepare for a direct conversation: engage empathetically and plan how you’ll interact with one another in the future.
Build a better rapport by reaching out and identifying common ground (children, hobbies, upbringing): perceived similarity is a strong driver of empathy.
Invite their suggestions and give them a chance to tackle problems their way. Make sure you acknowledge their expertise if they succeed and stay open to explanations if they underperform.
Provide relevant development opportunities by giving them challenging tasks and upward visibility, and promote their successes.
Be realistic about the end point of these conversations: the aim is not to become friends but to establish a productive and respectful working relationship, where you can work jointly towards a common professional or organizational goal.
Be creative about the options: even if you decide to part ways, you can still facilitate their transition. An often-overlooked resource is your ability to provide relevant assignments as a bridge to the next job.
Remember that the rest of your team is watching: your efforts to treat their colleague fairly and provide a dignified exit, if that is the result, will not go unnoticed.
No leader likes to admit to having an outgroup. But denial leads you to undermanage your team. The way you manage your weaker relationships determines your effectiveness and reputation as a manager.
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