We all have a metaphorical “basement” where we stash parts of ourselves that we, or the society we grew up in, deem unacceptable. These may include impulses to be selfish, angry, jealous, or vulnerable – the so-called Jungian ‘shadow’. As children, we hide these feelings to stay loved and safe. Those same impulses often remain active into adulthood, often without our awareness, so more material gets stored in the basement. However, what’s suppressed doesn’t vanish – it can surface as passive-aggressive comments, sudden outbursts, or irrational dislikes.
How to deal with your shadow
- Notice your triggers. You’re often most irritated by traits in others that mirror your own (even though they are unacknowledged or denied).
- Keep the conversation with your ‘basement’ going. Pay attention to emotional spikes, such as envy, rage, or hero worship. Ask yourself, “What part of me is this?”
- Acknowledge and integrate. Admit, “Yes, I can be controlling,” without acting it out destructively. The goal is not to erase the shadow but to weave its energy into your life – using assertiveness instead of aggression, imagination instead of daydreaming escapism, and so on.