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Iād like to tackle the topic of confidence because itās a thorny one, tangled up with womenās leadership. And it must be said: my views on it are not mainstream. Drawing on my experience as an organizational behavior and leadership professor and as a trained psychotherapist, I see the interplay of gender and confidence in a different light than many.Ā
To start, I believe that women today do not lack the confidence it takes to succeed in business. I say that based on my own experiences and perceptions, working with female executives for the past 13 years, and looking at the latest scientific evidence. Times have changed, and recent research simply does not support consistent gender differences in self-reported self-confidence.Ā Ā
But hereās a wrinkle: Women seem to be more likely than men to think that others have lower confidence in their abilities. We may believe ā rightly or wrongly ā that outside observers underestimate our capabilities and contributions. That is actually a question of meta-perceptions.Ā Ā
Meta-perceptions, or the ability to correctly predict how others perceive us, matter because they impact our behavior. For example, if I think I have what it takes to occupy the CEOās office, but I doubt the decision-makers would see it that way, I may assume itās futile to apply in the first place. Meta-perceptions of this kind can hold us back because they impact our decision to act. And this is how some psychologists define confidence ā as a mindset that serves as a magnifier of our thoughts and feelings, thereby stimulating the translation of thoughts into actions.Ā
Meta-perceptions, or the ability to correctly predict how others perceive us, matters because they impact our behavior.
So, itās important to understand how meta-perceptions can interfere with our striving and learning when they are negative. Whether perceived accurately or not, they can get in the way of having the confidence to grow.Ā Ā
Before we get to solutions, letās try to unpack the issue and what gender has to do with it.Ā
For women, having influence and making progress at work have been linked to gendered perceptions of our competence or abilities. Consider this: āTo seem confident, women have to be seen as warm,ā summarized Margarita Mayo, who, along with Laura Guillen and Natalia Karelaia, co-authored an eye-opening scientific study in the tech industry.
Their 2017 study found that perceptions of warmth did not matter as much for men in the workplace as they did for women. Guillen explained: āWhile self-confidence is gender-neutral, the consequences of appearing self-confident are notā since āthe āperformance plus confidence equals power and influenceā formula is gendered.ā In other words, self-confident female leaders might be penalized on the job for not conforming to gendered role prescriptions. Itās the appearance of confidence that may harm them. Is that fair?Ā Ā
It’s clear to me that these findings have implications for women who want to succeed and behave in a confident way at work. Itās also clear that all leaders should take confidence into account in strategic ways.Ā Ā
Before we look at the practical implications of gendered perceptions of confidence, thereās another point I want to make.Ā Ā
Michelle Obama and Sheryl Sandberg have both proclaimed that they suffered from āimpostor syndrome.ā And if they did, with their far-reaching influence and outward signs of success, what help is there for the rest of us?Ā
Former U.S. first lady Michelle Obama urged girls to resist the āimposter syndromeā she had felt on the way up and fight men for power, saying plenty of them didn't deserve itAs a trained psychotherapist, I must admit to feeling uneasy about how much we tend to pathologize relatively moderate levels of anxiety and self-doubt in this way. Words have the power to become reality and we have to be very careful how we frame issuesĀ
I believe that itās normal to have doubts before doing something you have never done before, like starting a new leadership position. Calling it āimpostor syndromeā is taking it too far. If weāre talking about the fact that othersā perceptions of our abilities fall short of the mark, weāre not being impostors. No, itās not fraud, itās realism here.Ā Ā
To get practical, letās look at some common, self-limiting behaviors that are misinterpreted by others as lack of confidence. Three things that I see all too often are: (1) reluctance to claim achievements, (2) not asking or negotiating, and (3) remaining too quiet or invisible because of the perfectionist trap. Naming these three problems helps us to formulate solutions to mitigate the damage they can cause. Self-limiting behaviors demand self-imposed corrections.Ā
While women may assume their achievements should speak for themselves, men tend to be more willing to take public credit for their success. If you think your achievements should speak for themselves (and they probably should in an ideal world), remember that busy people may not devote time to noticing who did what in an organization.
Donāt presume that others will invest the cognitive effort to analyze individual contributions as they happen. If you achieved something positive, something beneficial, claim credit for it. Especially if you are someone who assumes blame when things go wrong, donāt deflect credit to external factors or others. Own your hard-won achievements. Ā
Studies have found that women are less likely to overtly negotiate or ask for a raise or promotion. That puts us at a disadvantage. Not asking for a promotion might be interpreted as a lack of ambition.Ā Ā
Let me approach this with an example. A couple of years ago, a colleague came to my office visibly upset. She had just learned that a senior position, which she had been hoping to be promoted to, had just been advertised. Her boss had not informed her of the posting. āIām the best person for this role and he knows it,ā she told me. āAn external hire would take years to get to know the organization as well as I do and to reach my level of competency.āĀ
āConfidence leads to influence ā which leads to getting things done for the good of all.ā
Her immediate plan was to confront her manager in a routine meeting she was supposed to have with him two hours later. I suggested that she prepare her approach proactively, with something like: āIām glad the position Iāve been waiting for has finally been advertised. I would like to let you know that Iāve started working on my application. All these years Iāve been preparing for it and now Iām going to apply with confidence since I meet all the criteria required.āĀ Ā
A couple of hours later, she came to my office again, face beaming. āYou wouldnāt believe it,ā she said. āMy manager apologized that he didnāt think of me straight away as he realized I was the best candidate because of my intimate knowledge of the organization and the quality of work delivered so far. He seemed to be upset with himself by this blunder.āĀ Ā
The upshot: My colleague received the promotion and has been appreciated in her new role.Ā Ā
In a first meeting, speaking up and taking initiative are seen as ācompetence cues,ā signaling leadership potential, since those behaviors are associated with proactivity. The cues can include speaking up to summarize the data, writing on the board, or just asking a question that stimulates conversation.Ā Ā
A study by Adam D Galinsky and Gavin Kilduff suggests that we can propel ourselves into proactivity by priming ourselves before a first encounter with a new group. The priming is simple: take five minutes to āwrite about your ambitions or a time when you felt happy or powerful.ā Ā
The study provides impressive evidence that this priming helps us to speak up, steer decision-making, and be viewed by others as leaders. Being proactive at the beginning of a groupās life is essential since status is ascribed early and group members who achieve high status early are likely to retain it. Remember this next time you are tempted to keep quiet during a meeting.Ā Ā
If the above advice on correcting meta-interpretations of confidence doesnāt seem to apply to you personally, consider its implications as a manager of others. As we have seen how gender and confidence are enmeshed, here are some questions for managers to reflect upon:Ā
Managers of any gender should strive to dig out double standards at work ā like the aforementioned expectations that women be warm as well as competent to get ahead. Managers should also be aware that some of us are, inadvertently, prone to exhibit low-confidence behaviors ā like reluctance to claim achievements or speak up. With some support, correcting these confidence misperceptions can help women thrive without feeling like impostors.Ā Ā
And let me end by saying to women: thereās work we can and should do to correct the misperceptions that limit us. Confidence leads to influence ā which leads to getting things done for the good of all. Ā
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