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Leadership
Want to succeed in negotiation? Learn to tame your inner zooÂ
Negotiation can be fraught even outside conflict zones. Lessons from frontline humanitarian negotiators show how awareness of the brain’s behavior centers can set you up for success.Â
Whether the aim is to establish a humanitarian aid corridor or to ensure access to vulnerable people, negotiation is a crucial part of the work of frontline humanitarian staff. Yet the outcome of any negotiation is often undermined by a lack of trust between the two sides, with counterparts deeply suspicious of the intentions of humanitarian organizations.
Depending on their aim, humanitarian negotiators rely on three types of negotiations:
- Transactional, for example: exchanging resources or delivering goods, with minimal expectation of maintaining a relationship following the negotiation.
- Adversarial, such as a hostage situation or extortion, which aims to terminate the power relationship.
- Relational, where the focus is establishing and maintaining connections through a series of agreements.
The added challenge is that even for transactional or adversarial negotiations to succeed, you must establish a baseline of trust and a relationship with your negotiating party.
For those working in a business environment, you will likely negotiate with peers, team members, and other stakeholders throughout your working day. Although you hopefully won’t be facing the same conditions as those operating in war zones, some negotiations can be more fraught than others. Research has found that internal team dynamics is a frequent source of pressure, requiring similar negotiation skills as those used in the field or on the frontline.
Imagine, for example, that you need to find time for a difficult conversation with a stakeholder whose behavior risks undermining the success of a project and causing significant reputational damage to your team or organization. What lessons from frontline humanitarian negotiation practices could be applied to your situation?
A crocodile, dog, and monkey walk into a negotiation
First, let’s examine what happens to your brain when you enter a negotiation. According to neuroscience, there are three parts of the brain involved in risk assessment, decision-making, behavior, and influence:
- Reptilian (physical) brain: This is responsible for your physical safety and development. It operates in a defensive or survival mode – your “inner crocodile.”
- Mammalian (emotional) brain: This manages your emotional safety and development, operating in a protective mode – your “inner dog.”
- Cortex (cognitive) brain: This handles species safety and development, controlling intelligence, personality, conscious thought, and high-level functions like language and memory – your “inner monkey.”
In negotiations, your non-verbal communication (facial expressions, posture, behavior, emotional expressions, tone, and pace of voice) is primarily controlled by your physical and emotional brain, while verbal communication (word choice, listening and understanding skills, empathy) mostly happens between the emotional and cognitive brains.
When you act in protective mode – like your inner dog – it can limit your ability to be creative, inspire others, innovate, welcome new ideas, adapt, and find solutions. Instead, you become protective of what you value, recognize, and know – your point of view and territory.
When you act defensively (our inner crocodile), you lose even more emotional brain skills, such as empathy and kindness.
While the tension and danger that come from working on the frontline can push people to operate in these protective and defensive zones, even in normal daily life, micro stressors such as a traffic jam, miscommunication with your partner or colleague, sleep deprivation, a lack of resources or a crisis can trigger our inner dog or crocodile.
Combining insights from those experienced in humanitarian negotiations with our understanding of brain science, it’s evident that to move from a confrontational stance to a more cooperative way of interacting, we should follow a three-step process. Importantly, these steps must be taken in a certain order.
- Create trust: Ensure the counterpart understands your ethics (ethos) and feels safe, moving them out of the defensive mode.
- Create a connection: Make the counterpart value you (pathos) and feel part of the same team, moving them out of protective mode.
- Present arguments: Only after establishing trust and connection should you share arguments (logos) to shift the other person’s position and integrate our agenda with theirs.
Tame your and your counterpart’s inner zoo
Even if your time is limited, there are techniques you can apply before you start negotiating to tame your inner crocodile and dog and pique your monkey’s curiosity.Â
Start by exhaling deeply for a few seconds to relax your mind. Reflect on any commonalities you share with your counterpart, as this fosters a subconscious sense of camaraderie, making you feel united. Â
Finally, approach the negotiation with an open mind, contemplating the reasons behind your counterpart’s actions and maintaining a positive view of their behavior. This will spark your curiosity and help you transition from a defensive stance to a more receptive and collaborative one.Â
When you are ready to negotiate, there are techniques you can apply to tame your counterpart’s zoo.Â
Address physical comfort
Start by addressing their physical needs to create a sense of safety. Even simple actions like offering someone a glass of water or adjusting the air conditioning to their liking can help de-escalate tension and provide some breathing room before the negotiation starts.
Establish rapport
Find similarities and common ground to establish rapport. Use mirroring techniques, such as matching tone and pace of voice, to create a connection. This can be effective online as well. Show genuine interest in the other’s concerns to soften their protective stance.
Pique your negotiating partner’s interest
Engage the neocortex with open-ended questions that stimulate curiosity and shift the focus to solutions. Questions like “What’s on your mind?” or “What do you think are some possible ways forward?” can facilitate a co-creative dialogue.
When time is short, acknowledge the need for efficiency but start with a brief moment of connection.
Frame with intention
When time is short, acknowledge the need for efficiency but start with a brief moment of connection. For example, “I know we only have 10 minutes, but let’s take a minute to settle in and check how you’re doing before diving into the main topic.”
Assess continuously
Every conversation, interaction, or negotiation is like a tango: to lead, you must also follow. By continuously observing all the “animals” present – yours and your counterpart’s – you can detect behavioral changes, identify the level at which they occur, and address them appropriately before they escalate.
Whether under pressure on the front line or during a difficult conversation with a team member, these negotiation principles can be applied to help leaders navigate the “wild” landscape of team dynamics and negotiation.
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